I'll be staying in SLO over the summer so hopefully some of you will come down and visit me. Really anytime anyone wants to visit just come on over, of course if you're visiting from out of town you may want to call me first, I'd love to see people here, but would rather not come home to find that one of you has been waiting outside my door :-P. Anywho, point is I'll be enjoying the weather, taking some classes and working, but I always leave room for friends and I'll be making a point of cooking good food for any of you who want to visit.
I realize that this post in its entirety is going up at 3:30 in the morning, most of this post was supposed to have been typed up and published before midnight, but i hit send on the email to post before I was ready, so now I'm back finishing this up. Point is, I'm tired but can't sleep very well, haven't been able to do so for a while. I'll sleep one day for 16 hours and then spend the next few days unable to sleep more than a few hours or I'll have days when I go to sleep at 10 and wake up at noon the next day for no reason at all. Whether or not this has to do with my bipolar disorder or not I don't know, I suspect so , but I don't know. In a similar vein, most nights that I get an average amount of sleep it is interrupted by strange dreams, dreams that are muddled and confused to the waking mind, but in the state in between, they are some of the most frightening dreams I have ever experienced. Lately they've begun to recur, the same sequence of dreams, a locked room with no exits, no lighting but still filled with white light, no shadows, no furniture, I try to get out but the door has no handles, no keyhole, no visible way of opening it. The passage of time in the dream is distorted, as best I can tell I make it out of the room after an hour or so and then find myself in a long white hallway running, looking for a way out, every doorway is closed and locked, as I make a final turn I see an open door, so I sprint for it, catching a glimpse of what I'm wearing for the first time, white scrubs, no shoes, I'm a few feet from the when something dark drops in front of the door, massive and shapeless. I turn to run, slipping and scrambling away, and as I run, panicked, I hear it coming after me. I wake up as it envelops me, covered in sweat. The other dreams are variations on this one, always in a facility I can't escape, always something coming for me. I don't always get caught or even chased, but I'm never fully alone in whatever the place is. The look changes slightly, different parts of the building (I assume it's a building) are in different states of disarray and decomposition. Anyway the main thread is I'm trapped, no idea where I am, without any idea how to get out, and something is coming for me. Psychoanalysis of the dreams is boring, mostly a mix of fear of death and a feeling of being trapped in my life. It's pretty much bull, I don't know what it really means, but I do know that I've been having this series of dreams on and off over the last 8 years. Anyway that's a long meandering description of what I've been going through recently, and why I'm not asleep like a normal human being at this hour =/.
Next Post: the promised review of Star Trek, Wolverine, and Terminator
Once again, the rambling I apologize for. Late night posts tend to end up like this
No comments:
Post a Comment