panic attacks

I've had a few situations in the past where I have sudden panic attacks where I just want to curl up in a ball and cry. I have trouble breathing, I can't think, they usually go away if i can get out and just walk around for a while, or go for a drive where I can try and talk to someone until I calm down. Tonight I had one of the worst I've had in a while. I don't know what brought it on either, I was preparing to go out and suddenly couldn't stop shaking, and had trouble breathing. I tried to move but was almost completely paralyzed at first. I finally got myself moving and got into my car with the idea of going for a hike up Bishop Peak and trying to clear my mind, instead I ended up parked at the trail head sobbing and trying to figure out what to do. I've calmed down a bit now, but I'm still a little freaked out. I just don't know what to do. I want to write, but my hands are shaking so badly that I can't get it all out, and I can't think straight. I think that I may finally be buckling under the pressure, I may have burned out. I just want to leave, get on the road and leave everything behind, I know that my problems will follow, but I just need to be somewhere that isn't here. I need to be in the company of friends, I need to just talk to someone face to face, to hold someone. I just can't take this much longer, I feel like I'm drowning, reaching desperately for something to grab onto and stay afloat. Realistically I don't know what I'm doing anymore, or what i'll be able to do in the future. I'm just not as sure as I once was, things have gotten cloudy for me recently. I've misread people and situations recently that I wouldn't have in the past. I feel lost and unsure, and it's just one more thing that I used to have to help me that's begun to fail. My memory and my judgement have been clouded and without them I'm completely lost. I know that I keep saying I don't know and I feel lost, but I can't help it. In the most clear terms I don't have any idea of what the hell is going on or what to do about it.

Until next time, if you're nearby please I need some time and some help with what's going on. I just can't handle all this in my head